You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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