nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
