I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
