oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
