It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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