I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
