and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
