Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
