Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
