I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You made out with two different species that night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
