A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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