You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw a hot homeless man
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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