I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
