The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you didnt know i had herpes?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
