My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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