Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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