you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
