My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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