So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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