yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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