I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
