I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
