and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i've created a new STD.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
