You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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