hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
