whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
