I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
