how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
