Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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