he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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