i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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