Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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