I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
