some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
