ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
