We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
