I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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