I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
