Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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