I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
