babies were throwing up all over the place
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
