My liver just broke up with me...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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