mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
