i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
