Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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