Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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