I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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