i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I want is dick and wine.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
