Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
