I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
