I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
