when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We got so high we made milksteak
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
