You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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