Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
