Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
