I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
