Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
