MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
