new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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