my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
me + whiskey = a bad person
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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