I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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