tell your sister to shave her snatch
barbara walters just said penis...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
