You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
