butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
