i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
