So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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