i jhust puked up my retainher.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize