Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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