you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
