Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
