do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
